That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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