he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
