Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
