Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
