I need to stop coming to work sober
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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