Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize