He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
