remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
