I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
