Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
