I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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