My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
