Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
