this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize