I think scott just propositioned me for sex
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
