Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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