***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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