Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
