After last night, I could never be a politician.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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