using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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