I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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