thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
