what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
