i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
