I seem to have left my pride at pride
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
