Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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