Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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