Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
