Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
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