i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
