You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
