Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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