I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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