her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
