When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
