My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
