i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize