They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I think a kid would responsible me up
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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