like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
