New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
