I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize