grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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