Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Randomize
