I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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