There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
