How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
