I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
