Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize