is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
