For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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