So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
