Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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