"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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