Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
