the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
