So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize