So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
