We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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