i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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