The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
