he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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