What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
