Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
