So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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