after a month anything with tits is on the radar
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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