There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
