If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
