Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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