That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
