can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
