if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
